RANT ALERT: This might not make sense to anybody but me. But hey, it is a personal blog/brain dump, so… let’s go!

On July 9, 2007, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) symbolically and controversially buried the N-word in an attempt to rid the culture of the “spirit” of the nasty epithet and everything to which it’s connected. Might I suggest we have a similar burial for the word, “wifey?”

Girl, why in the world would you have a problem with the word “wifey?”

Okay, compared to the N-word, it’s hardly incendiary. In fact, it’s quite innocuous. There’s something kind of endearing about a 15-year-old boy playfully labeling his high school sweetheart “wifey.” Hey, in a society where marriage seems to be decreasing in importance every day, and where most ”real” housewives and [insert professional sport here] wives aren’t really wives at all, it’s kind of encouraging to see that matrimony is still on the minds of our future.

And yes, the word is annoyingly ubiquitous. When R&B group Next — the same fellas who so romantically crooned about dancefloor erections — dropped their single “Wifey” in 2000, I cringed every time I heard the first few bars before quickly changing radio stations. But even though it’s ridiculously overused, that’s not really why I want to bury the word.

I want to bury it because it seems to trivialize what it means to be (or have) a wife. Sure, it’s cute. I get that, I honestly do. But I think real marriage is more than “cute.” It’s glorious. It’s fantastic. It’s beautiful. And I can tell you from experience, being a girlfriend is nothing like being a wife. There’s something slightly upsetting about a grown man calling his woman “wifey” when he has yet to give her or himself all the benefits that would come from making her his wife. I want to bury the word because, quite frankly, it’s not the real thing.

Alright, here’s the deal: I will quasi forgive your use of the word in reference to the lady you love (even though you’re not married) if you can honestly see yourself doing all or any of the following:

• Being her covering at all times, praying over her, anointing her, and protecting her with the Spirit.
• Not simply conceiving a child with her, but actually wanting her to be the mother, nurturer, and first influencer of your child(ren). Side Note: Studies have shown that children gain their intelligence primarily from their mothers. Choose the soil for your seed wisely!
• When she does go into labor with your child, holding her hair back as she vomits in the labor and delivery triage area from the nausea. Wait… maybe that was just my husband.
• Understanding that some nights she’s just not in the mood or unable to perform, and be willing to back off a little.
• Taking a stab at doing your little girl’s hair – even though you don’t know what the heck you’re doing and it’s normally “her” job – if it means she won’t be late for work that morning.
• Seeking God for the direction of your family and being brave enough to make important decisions conerning their future.
• Understanding that PMS has no name on it, so even if you’re the subject of her wrath at the moment, be willing to walk away and not internalize it. (Again, maybe this is just my household *hangs head in shame*)
• Valuing her input on important matters and trusting that she’s able to help you in them.
• Speaking well of her in front of others at all times… and meaning it at all times.
• Putting her in the place of importance and esteem that was once reserved for your mama.

Conversely, for all the “wifeys” out there, can you see yourself doing any of the following?

• Trusting him to provide faithfully for your family, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. (Maybe he doesn’t have to be the primary bread winner, but can you at least trust him with the resources you do have?)
• Understanding that sex isn’t just important to him, it’s important period, and being willing to “fulfill your wifely duties” even if the laundry isn’t folded or you have to go to work in the morning (hey, a lot of people find this is easier said than done once they setlle into married life).
• Praising him constantly in front of your girlfriends and your parents.
• Trusting him to take care of the children you have together. So he doesn’t change a diaper like you would… if the baby’s butt is clean then that’s all that should matter!
• Praying for him, that God gives him wisdom and a vision for your family.
• Praying for yourself, that you’re willing to accept his authority as head of the household and be the best helpmate you can be.
• Imparting your own wisdom lovingly, but not imposingly.
• Letting him make his own mistakes, and if he does, helping him clean up the mess without saying, “I told you so.”

Of course, these little suggestions aren’t all-encompassing of what real wives and husbands do. But if you can see yourself doing any of the aforementioned things for the person you love, here’s my challenge: Go on and take off the “y” and simply make that woman a “wife.”

If any of this seems a bit too heavy for you, then do me a favor: put the word away until you’ve prayed about it and you’re really ready for matrimony. Why glorify Wife.Beta when you have the production model already available for download?

Seriously, though this post is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, I do want people to understand the glory and gravity of marriage and I definitely want you to take it seriously. It’s great to see yourself possibly marrying her one day, but if you’re currently not ready for the real title, then there’s no need to play “house.”

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

– Proverbs 18:22 (NIV)

What do you think? Do you think marriage is trivialized these days? Talk amongst yourselves…

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